What You Leave Behind Matters Most

Last week our family lost a dear and prized family member. My best friend's wife died suddenly at the age of 44. She leaves behind a husband, 9 and 10 year old daughters, a dog, cat, a brother, 2 sisters, 4 nieces, a nephew, and hundreds of friends.

Since Ann's (I will not give her last name for privacy) passing I have obviously been thinking about my own impact on this earth. There are some things that just don't seem as important as them once were. But what is important are the relationships with people that, while I have always prized them, seem even more important and relevant in my life.

In the span of 24 hours after Ann's passed I must have made 50 plus telephone calls on her husband's behalf to tell people of her passing and pass along other important information. This was by far the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Calling personal friends of mine who knew her husband directly and Ann on the periphery. Or those that knew only her children. The one thing that truly amazed me were the responses. In today's world we forget how compassionate and caring a single human being can be and how when a whole bunch of people respond it can be amazing.

Every person I talked with asked first about the rest of the family, no good answer there, and then what they could do to help. Every single person. Follow-up calls and/or e-mails focused on the family and their immediate needs. As the days moved on towards the memorial service friends and family focused on the needs of the survivors foremost. Each phone call made and received asked first about our friends.

Then it came time for the service, and the true measure of Ann and the influence she and her husband had on those around her.

To be honest I didn't know what to expect. I knew we would have family and close friends in attendance. I knew a few people from Ann's husband's work relationships. But to fill the church with more than 300 people and nearly half of those attending the reception afterwards was mind blowing. It really made an impact on me and it has got me thinking about how many people I will have when my time comes for people to come and remember me.

We have all seen those bumpers sticks “He with the most toys wins” and laughed. I think I may have even had this at one time slapped up in my garage. But now it holds very little meaning to me. Life has nothing to do with toys or anything physical that we collect in our garage, living room, or kitchen . Life has everything to do with the relationships we hold in our hearts and the impact we make on the world around us.

I am the first to admit I have a bunch of stuff and at times I would like more toys. But those things don't stand up for you when “shuffle off this mortal coil.” It is the people that come to celebrate your life that really matter.

After the blade

Mr. Clean

Preston Kilzer, is the Bomb!!!

Not too shabby, before the Blade

Reese the Bald

The Giving Child

A parent is never more proud of their children than when they do a selfless act. Even if that child was pushed into the act.

Last Friday my son Reese and I participated in the St. Baldrick's Day activities at Fado Irish Pub in Denver. This was the culmination of 6 weeks of fund raising for the foundation. My son raised more than $1600 to fight childhood cancer. (Together we raised more than $3,000. ) Now who can deny a five year -old you ask? Not many, but I have to say there is still something special about a child putting himself out there for a cause.

Several weeks after we started this journey one of Reese's fellow kindergarteners was diagnosed with Lymphoma. This gave the cause more meaning and really gave my son some clarity into the cause.

Yes he is five years-old, but he does understand life and death (Especially after event of the past week, but that is for another blog.) and Reese really took this seriously. He talked with adults and fellow kids alike about his efforts and why it was important. He really put in the effort and worked to make this successful.

Friday morning we got up early and picked up Preston and his mom and headed down to Fado. I have to give a HUGE shout out to my wife. She is not a morning person, but really got into the event the last couple of weeks and has really given us a great deal of love and support. She did not like the fact that her husband and son would be bald, but understood the needs and appreciates the cause. I also want to say thanks to my daughter Amelia. She was a great boy wrangler and is excited about next year. She will donate 12 inches of hair to the Locks of Love.

Back to the event. We arrive and get to see members of the Colorado Avalanche shaving their heads, get pictures with the kids, and enjoy the festivities. An Irish breakfast down the hatch and then it is time to shave. Prior to our team the "The Snow Balds" taking the shears Preston's mom brings the crown to tears and laughs with a short speech. Then off with the hair. Reese was a trooper and I think is happy to have shared this experience with his dad and his friend Preston. I just can't convince Reese to take the blade and go to the skin.

I want give a special thanks to Melanie, organizer of the event and to Paul Miller, Captain of "The Snow Balds" we have raised nearly $20,000.

As a thank you to those that gave, not just to Reese and I, but to all those that support the St. Baldrick's Foundation we have posted a video on YouTube that were have made in honor of Preston. We hope you enjoy it. Click on this link.

Check out a few of the photos as well of Preston, Reese and I.

Hair today...gone on Friday

Let's call it blog infatuation...two in a row. It won't last.

There are more important things in this world than hair. That has been my mantra the last 6 weeks to my son and daughter.

My son and I are raising money for the St. Baldrick's Foundation. They are the worlds largest charity organization raising funds to support research to fight childhood cancer. I have watched this organization from afar for several years and this year, thanks to a friend, jumped into the fun and dragged my 5 year old with me. Check out the website www.stbaldricks.org

Through March 14th we are raising money for the foundation and on Friday will be shaving our heads in support of kids fighting the cancer challenge. Our combined goal is $3,000.

This cause has taken new meaning after we started as one of my son's fellow 5 year-olds was just diagnosed with stage 3a Lymphoma. this has given new meaning to our cause.

There is more to this than a fund raiser. I am hoping to impart some wisdom onto my kids. This is about imparting on my kids a sense of proportion. Hair can grow back, raising money for kids that can't come back is more important.

My daughter has told me she wants to do this next year and make a donation to the Locks of Love group by donating 10 plus inches of hair. Kids in my son's class want to join now, but it looks like we will wait till next year and make it a full school project.

Our hair, clothes, cars and houses are not the important things. It is the choices we make on the rest of the world that is the true impact on our souls.

To Blog or not to Blog...and how do I get rid of this stone

As you can see I have not done a very good job in keeping up with my blog. Sure I posted a cutesy little poem that I hopes would have won me a super fancy bike. But since then...nuthin'.

In the last couple of day I have added a banner and a picture, refined a few items and now feel it is time for me to start blogging. The question is what do I blog about. My wife has a blog about marketing http://www.qgenisys.com/blog/ that she shares with some co-workers at the consulting business. I occasionally reads the blogs of Wil Wheaton, Bruce Cordell, Orson Scott Card and others. But really how much time does one have to read all there is to read out there in Blogland.

So here is the deal. My goal is to blog once maybe twice per week. It may just be a couple of lines, it may be a whole lot of nothing. But let's try this and see how it goes.

First item up for discussion --- KIDNEY STONES

For the last 4 days I have been fighting the mother of kidney stones. This isn't my first and I know it won't be my last. The thing about this one is that it has really kicked my ass.

It started on Wednesday morning. i had a meeting downtown and wasn't feeling that well. Drove home and literally collapsed in bed. I knew it was a stone and logically concluded that it would pass within an hour and all would be fine.

WRONG

Fortunately my wonderful daughter was home and proved to be of great support. At noon I had to call my in-laws and neighbor for assistance and requested that wife come back home. At 12:30 my wonderful wife, rushed me to the ER and after a glorious round of pain medication and some fancy pictures of my guts I was informed by the physician I did have a kidney stone that was 6 to 8 MM in size. (They thought it was a girl.) We were back home by 4 with a bottle of "happy pills" and an appointment at the nearest urologist set for the next day.

I felt good, ordered some Indian food and invited the neighbors to grub out and laugh off the days eariler excitement.

WRONG AGAIN

Back in the ER for more pain medication and a stern lecture from the other attending ER Physician about the importance of following directions about taking the drugs perscribed.

Back home at 10 PM and a restless and painful night of sleep. A "happy pill" every 3 to 4 hours lots of water, groaning, laughing, cursing and tears.

Wake up at 7 AM and I feel great. Thinking the stone has passed I start breakfast for the kids, coffee for the wife and prepare for a day of work. All I have to do is catch the stone.

STRIKE THREE.....I'M OUT...

at 8:30 I am knocked to the floor again and with pain the exceed the previous two incidents. More "happy pills" and semi-consciousness till two and the trip to the urologist. Good News and Bad news from this guy.

Good News - "We know why you haven't passed the stone, it is actually in excess of 1CM in size and stuck"

Bad News - "Probably can't get you relief until Monday because the BLAH BLAH BLAH."

The sight of a 40 year old man crying is not pleasant. I am not proud but the thought of this pain continuing until Monday and me missing a weekend of family planned activities was not good. My tears worked and an d we were sent the "The Kidney Stone Center" in downtown denver for blood work, additional consultation and advised to return Friday Morning at 11AM for Lithotripsy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithotriptor

Another restless night of sleep, more couch time in the morning, then off for treatment. Not to mention I now haven't eaten for 48 hours and couldn't any water since Thursday at midnight. I was beginning to get cranky. Put the pain was getting in the way of my foul mood.

Let me just say that "The Kidney Stone Center" is a wonderous place. They confirmed the size, (one big mother of a stone) location(not good) and sent me off to sleepy land. I woke up some time later in recovery. Can't leave until I pee, (Never peed blood before, but they said it was a good sign.) and ate two graham crackers. Bliss, sweet bliss. Off to home and recovery.

Send the kids to the neighbors, wife to her Friday night work function and I lay around for a bit, over to the neighbors for a light dinner, back home and a great night sleep.

Saturday morning the birds were singing, the sun was shining and I was again my joyful happy self. The battle is fought, the war against the stone is won and I will be able join my daugther for Pinewood Derby and my wife and friends for an evening of fun.

WRONG AGAIN...WRONG AGAIN...WRONG AGAIN...

Pain..."happy pills"...pain..."happy pills"...Three hours later I am back to the zoned out zombie. I am still peeing blood, urine filled with gravel, and more couch and down time. This is not fun anymore.

So no Pinewood derby...no fun time with the wife and friends.

I do have to say this. Even as a 40 year-old man, there is something comforting about having your mom around when you are sick. My mom had previously planned on coming up for a conference we had been expecting her. But it was nice to have some "Mommy care". I think my wife was grateful for the assist and a chance to get away from me for a night.

So here it is Sunday afternoon, 10 minutes to four. I am feeling human. Still peeing gravel and waiting for the big chunks to show themselves.

For those that don't know the real pain from kidney stones comes from the the stone leaving the kidney and going to the bladder. Leaving the bladder and out is uncomfortable also, but minor in comparison. So for the next week I will pee through a strainer and on March 20th or so, return to the urologist for a follow-up.

My father has dealt with stones for 30 years and the "experts" are always changing his diet. Hopefully we can figure this one out. He has been a guide for me in my struggles. He has had the Lithotripsy done several times before and still fights the stone battle on a yearly basis.

If you have ever fought the stone let me know. Have they returned on you? if not what changes have you made?

Pleading for a Seven Cycle

At the end of June of this year Outside Magazine held a essay contest for a Seven Cycles Bike. Not that I am worthy of this great machine, but I still put forth my effort. I have yet to discover who won the damn thing, I know I didn't although I certainly believe I deserve it. In a search for the winner I came across several other worthy entrants (Not as good as mine though) and believe you should check them out.

I have shared my entry with many, and all are shocked that I did not win. I am anxiously waiting to discover who the winner is, so I can hunt them down and...um, shake their hands.

So here is my entry. I am also posting the links to other essays I have found on the web.

PS. If anyone from Mariah Media/Outside Magazine reads this, please tell me who won.

Thanks


'Oh the Bike I must have
Apologies to Dr. Seuss
*
There is a guy in Colorado named Ted
His right knee is mush, His left knee near dead
Three years ago Ted could then be called fat
Through running and diet he lost 50 pounds flat
But after running miles and miles he's now peddling a bike
An old Trek Aluminum7000 that's as fast as a trike.

Poor Ted has gained weight
cannot pound ground anymore
His new love is biking
and calisthenics on the floor

Now here I sit at the computer a pounding
Dreaming I'll soon have a bike with “filament wounding”
I am ready to answer 108 questions
about my legs and my trunk and make other suggestions
On how Seven Cycles can make the perfect bike
for riding the plains or the Peak of Pike

The couch has been calling
“Come and watch Sports”
I must stay on the bike
to keep looking great in those shorts

A Seven Cycles bike is a gift from the gods
To be be ridden alone or with cycling squads
With this wondrous beast I will travel Colorado
From Durango, my home town, to the canyon of Eldorado
My fat will melt away with this magical bike
It will enhance my gluts, something my wife won't dislike

I'm stuck with an old beast
I need a new ride
This twenty year old bike
nicks at my pride

I beg you I do, I must win this prize
Think of my children, my wife and my thighs
If I don't get this bike, I'll continue to suffer
when riding I look just like an old duffer
You must understand I need a new bike
My new mantra will be “If I could be like Lance” Apologies to Mike

I'm desperate you see,
Don't mean to be contrite
but if the new bike is not mine
I'll be riding at NIGHT!!!!

Check out these great essays as well:

http://www.dobovedo.com/?p=799

http://idrunkthepunch.blogspot.com/2007/08/literary-attempt-at-winning-seven-cycle.html